March 9, 2021
Hey there kiddo! I don’t know if you’d ever read this, but i felt like i wanted to write this down for you. I’m 21 years old now, and you’re not even born yet. I don’t know who your dad would be nor if he’d be around, or if you’d be having another mom besides me. I just wanted to tell you that I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I don’t necessarily like the concept of marriage, nor the idea of settling down with someone for life like some kind of contract, though it worked out pretty well for most of the people you may know. But I’ve always, always wanted to be a mom.
I don’t know if you’d be a girl or a boy or if you’d choose to be someone you weren’t typically born as, nor do I know how many siblings you’ll have, nor do I know if I’d be your biological mom or you’d be my adopted child. The thing is I’d love you with my whole heart either way. I’ve never been selfish about anyone’s love to this day, but I might be a little jealous when it comes to you. I don’t know if I’d be a cool mom that you look up to, or an embarrassing mom that you’re too shy to introduce your friends to, or a scary mom that you are too scared to mess around with, but I know one thing for sure, I’d never force my ideologies on you. You will be the one to choose your right and wrong. Until you reach the age where you can see and understand things on your own, I promise to be by your side and show you what I believe to be right and wrong, and that doesn’t necessarily mean that you should agree with me.
Our family may not like the way I choose to raise you, sometimes maybe your friends would make mean jokes about how you have two gay dads, or two gay moms, or that you don’t have a dad or for not fitting into the stereotypical “family”, but I want you to know that it doesn’t matter. All the people in this world could blame me for raising you the wrong way, or for spoiling you too much, or for giving you more power in your own life, and I’d still do it. So, I want to apologize in advance for putting you through all that, and I want you to know that everything I did had a reason. I’d rather raise you in a loving and carefree family environment where your parents don’t fit into the stereotypes forged by the society over time, than raise you in a toxic environment where your parents can’t stand each other and get divorced later on, but “tried” to fit into the shell the outsiders built for us.
I hope with all my heart that when you need someone to talk to, or feel alone or depressed, no matter how small or big your reasons are, that you feel like you can trust me and open up to me. I want you to know that I’ll never judge you for making the choices you made, or use it against you in the future to win an argument, or restrict you from doing something because you’ve made a mistake or the wrong choice in a similar situation in the past. I want you to make as many mistakes as possible, but also learn from them. I want you to see the world through your own eyes and not through a shade that I built for you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you can be a jerk to people and get away with it ; )
There will be times when you make choices that you may regret in the future, and times may rise when you feel like giving up, but I want you to know that it is not the end. I’ve made mistakes in my life that I regret to this day, but I’m not ashamed of any of them. If it weren’t for the choices and mistakes i made in the past, i wouldn’t be the person i am today. And I’m sure you’ll feel the same way too one day. And I want you to know that no matter what path you choose, I’d always love you. I might let you down at times, and I apologize for that in advance. And I also want you to know that nothing you do in your life would make me love you any less.
With all that being said, I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to hold your tiny little arms and watch them get bigger. I can’t wait to see your first smile and hear your first words. I can’t wait to buy you a bicycle and watch you ride it through your granny’s house. I can’t wait to see you make friends and have fun with them. I can’t wait to see your face after you read this, and most important of all, I can’t wait to shower you with all the love i have in this world.
