Last week, I was asked to write an article about why it’s the need of the hour to talk about Pride and LGBTQ. Since this topic is close to my heart, I’m going to make it a little personal, but as simple as possible. Before we start, I’m not used to being this vulnerable in public, so if it gets awkward at some point, I apologise in advance.
I was 15 when I realised that I was attracted to ‘not just boys’. For the first time, I had a crush on this girl who I knew for less than 4 weeks. Being young and not having received proper sex education, I had an assumption that something was wrong with me. This gave me a really hard time. There were times when I wished I could talk about it at least to my best friend. But I was scared that she’d think I was weird, and most importantly I was scared that she won’t see me the same way she did all these years. At times while playing games like truth or dare, I’d subtly ask questions like “If someday in the future you found out that one of your friends was a lesbian/gay, would you still see them the same way?” desperately wishing that someone would take the hint and talk to me. Even though they would all say “Yes of course, we’d love you the same way” sarcastically and laugh it out, or make jokes that refer to me as a boy or being a lesbian, I was never offended. Instead, I was relieved that they didn’t find it disgusting.
I found out about the LGBTQ+ community in a way that was not “appropriate” for my age at the time. I honestly wish there was a school hour every week similar to Moral Studies and Communication Skills, to give us proper knowledge about this huge topic. But for a long time wherever I heard the words lesbian or gay, it would be a porn reference. The term bisexual would always have something to do with a threesome. Everyone was so cautious about not saying these words out loud. Trust me a 15 year old girl who knew ‘such things’ will never be treated with respect. I still don’t understand why girls are supposed to be innocent and guys should be manly and why anyone who doesn’t fit these labels are shunned or considered weak. But that discussion is for another day.
I was closeted for five years and that is one dark place to be in. Five years is a really long time to spend questioning yourself, doubting yourself, hating yourself, all because you thought you were not “normal”. It was when I got into college and had people around who treated me with nothing but love and respect, I finally told myself that enough is enough. To be honest, they made it so easy for me to be comfortable being who I am. The day I came out a lot of close friends, seniors, even people whom I barely knew flooded my DMs and WhatsApp chats with love and support. I’m so lucky to have such people in my life. I can’t put into words how happy I felt, how thankful I am to everyone for making it so easy for me. In case I never told you, I am telling you now, thank you!
Honestly, I was prepared for the worst when I decided to come out. I was really scared of losing my friends, thinking that they’d avoid me because of who I am. I even thought my parents would be receiving phone calls from my hostel saying that they can’t accommodate someone like me anymore. Hell, I even thought I’d have to quit college because my parents would be ashamed of me. I was scared that they’d see me as a totally different person.
I won’t say that it was all easy. There were times when I had to hear comments like “Yeah I should be more careful being close with you”, “Wow, I can’t trust to be around you”, “So if you’re alone with a girl in a room would you have sex?”, “Technically you shouldn’t be in a girls hostel”, “It’s because of your age, you’ll come around”. It wasn’t meant to be offensive, and hey I laughed it off too. If you know me you’ll know for sure that I can take a joke, and I’m the kind of person who almost never gets offended. But sometimes these things flashback to my head, and I’m no human with a rock heart either.
But coming out was the best thing I ever did. You’ll never meet a person who regretted coming out — including myself. Life at last begins to make sense when you are open and honest. And that is exactly why it’s important that we talk about these things. Even if it’s a small coffee table talk at 4 PM on Saturdays, or as an awareness campaign to educate people, TALK ABOUT IT. I know quite a handful of people who are still in the closet and are still scared to come out just because they believe society will see them differently. So it is up to us to make them feel comfortable, up to us to let them know that they can be themselves and be proud of who they are, without being shamed, without having to fear that they might be treated differently.
So I am humbly asking everyone who reads this article, share it, post it, do whatever you have to do. Let people around you know that you are comfortable with talking about or being around lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, queers, and anyone who comes under the spectrum. Let people know that you will love them for who they are and that they don’t have to be ashamed, or afraid. You might be very close to someone and still wouldn’t know what they’re going through, or that they are scared of losing you, or that they think you’ll hate them for who they are. Spread love. Spread positivity. Normalise it. Normalise talking about it.
Once again, THANK YOU for reading this.
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